As some of my posts have mentioned I had gone sugar free and as low carb as possible to try and get healthier. This meant no sugar or artificial sweeteners of any kind. Only natural fruit sugar, and no breads, pastas, potatoes, rice, chips etc. It meant eating a lot of fish and veggies, fresh meats like turkey, fruit smoothies and veggies with every meal. This also meant being hungry, snacking all day (on healthy foods) to keep myself busy.
Not many people know this about me, but I used to be a smoker. It wasn’t for very long, a few years until a life event motivated me to quit. However the need to keep my hands and mouth busy, the one thing that led to smoking was still there. I eat, I eat like most humans, to stave of boredom, for pleasure, for nutrients, for any reason. Food has always been my addiction.
Going this healthy was the hardest thing I have ever done.
Sadly, although I would do it again, I am not that healthy now. But this doesn’t mean that I am not still eating healthy, just not so strictly.
A year of eating painfully healthy had me feeling so much better body wise, losing weight, a little more energy, but I was beat. I was depressed, I was grumpy and grouchy, snapping at K all the time. I’ve had depression my whole life, a chemical imbalance that I had been balancing in an unhealthy way with food. No longer eating chocolate or any comfort foods that gave my brain that happy feeling had me feeling mentally worse than ever.
I realized that although I have to be healthy to get better. To beat the mold poisoning that had wrecked my body so bad. I did not have to do it all at once or so drastically. I could no longer sacrifice my mental health for my physical health. It was time to be completely healthy in all aspects.
Now I know that anti depression and anxiety meds were an option.
But for years I have been working with my doctor trying every combination and dosage to see what works. Nothing was working. However most days with a balance of healthy food and self care I can live with the depression without medication. I can hold my full time job, take care of myself and my animals and enjoy life. Yes I have bad days, yes my depression makes things harder but it was manageable. Until I started eating completely healthy.
I was no longer handling stress well, because of the stress I wasn’t sleeping. It was just one big snowball from there. I felt like breaking down all the time, I felt defeated, lost and desperate.
My depression hasn’t been that bad since high school, when I first realized that I had it and started learning how to manage it. So I started adding somethings back in. I added honey and only sometimes all natural maple syrup, I ate some of the bad for you sugary snacks that my boyfriend brought me at work to make me feel better and they do. I still have vegetables with every meal, 90% of my meals are healthy smoothies for breakfast, taco bowls (without rice) for lunch and fishy and veggie stir fry for dinner, burgers with no buns, steak and peppers, turkey, all the turkey. Now my weight loss is not so drastic and cravings are hard to fight all the time but it is worth it.
I feel better than I have all year.
Yes I have two or three days where I’ll fall down the junk food and sugar rabbit hole and have pizza movie night with my guy followed by breakfast of leftover pizza and chips but then I pick myself back up the next morning with my favourite smoothie and start the healthy eating all over again.
This is not a diet, this is a life style. This is a permanent enjoy my life plan. I eat healthy, I am starting to incorporate more than just my dogs walks exercise into my life but I still eat sweets, I still indulge in carbs when my mental health needs it. That year of extreme healthy eating was still a good thing, it was what I needed to get started on my weight loss and feeling better. Now that I have made it so far I can slow down and enjoy the ride.