Fitness Anxiety

Everyone has anxiety about something, a lot of people have anxiety in general. I’ve always had generalized, every day anxiety, and the one thing that sets it off more than anything else is exercise. I know it is supposed to make you feel better, stronger, healthier etc etc, I just feel stressed. I feel like I am being watched and judged even if I am exercising alone in my living room with no one else home.

My biggest fears/anxieties about exercise?

1. The fear that people are watching and judging me
   – this one is pretty normal, going to the gym and feeling all eyes on you, even if they’re not. My anxiety? manifests itself even when I am alone, I can be exercising alone in my living room, or in a giant ass field all alone and still feel this way.
2. My biggest one? That the recovery and sore muscles will slow me down in every day life.
   – This one, is such a big one that keeps me from exercising more than the walks I do. I hate that my life has gotten to the point that I can’t relax or slow down for a moment, that any sign of weakness would be a bad thing. If my life was only me, what I needed/wanted etc then things would be fine. However I have people and animals who depend on me, I have a high stress, fast paced job, I unfortunately have many many people in my life who I feel would not understand my need to recover or that I would naturally be sore from working out. It is not a weakness.. it is not a weakness I know this, but my brain just won’t let me forget the feeling and the voices.
3. The anxiety of being fit, of being able.
   – This one goes both for exercise and for getting healthier and over the mould poisoning I’ve been fighting. I honestly wonder and worry about getting better, what if my depression is worse than I thought and I barely feel any better? What if I feel 100x better and my neurotic, need for control (thank you anxiety) side comes out worse? What if I self destruct?
   I know these are all irrational, but oh man are they weird real fears.

There is always more

There are many many more, sweat stains and puffy red faces. These are the main three that have hindered every attempt I have made at exercising. I have tried the gym, I have tried the gym at 2am when no one is there. I’ve got the equipment for home (sorry down stairs neighbours!) I have taken the dog to a far out field in the middle of no where to exercise with him. Nothing has worked yet. I tried to get my mum, my sister, my brother and my boyfriend at different times to exercise with me. Nope, they make the anxiety worse. Here is to the next few attempts and to never giving up!